


coffee of destruction

by BlueSapphire718



Series: KakaIru Week 2019 [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Gen, Identity Reveal, Iruka is so done, Iruka loves coffee, M/M, School Principal!Tobirama, Superhero!Kakashi, Villain!Obito, they keep destroying coffee shoppes that Iruka likes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 01:33:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21007502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueSapphire718/pseuds/BlueSapphire718
Summary: All Iruka wants is coffee, not a destroyed coffee shoppe that has the hero and the villain struggling against each other on the ground with debris around them.(KakaIru Week 2019: Prompt - Not ninjas)





	coffee of destruction

All Iruka wants is coffee, not a destroyed coffee shoppe that has the hero and the villain struggling against each other on the ground with debris around them.

He’s been waiting in line for his coffee for a few minutes, humming a tune Naruto sang to him about, before he hears a ** _crash_ ** behind him and people screaming around him. He can hear sparks and growls before he turns around, feeling his hands twitch. In front of him, Chidori wrestles with the villain on the ground, lightning crackling and hissing through his arms.

Tobi snarls at him, black eyes spinning into a mix of red and black. Iruka doesn’t know what to expect, because he just wants coffee, and he’s tired and exhausted from all the marking he has to do on students’ tests. He has no time to deal with superheroes or villains.

He just wants coffee and caffeine.

So instead of doing what a normal person would be doing, he starts to yell at them.

Which probably isn’t a good idea.

“What the heck,” he blurts out, his mind still tired and in need of coffee. “My coffee!”

Both superhero and villain stop their movements to look over at him. “You realize this is a dangerous situation, right?” Chidori asks, raising his eyebrow as Iruka defiantly stares back at him. “You know, me? Fighting a _villain_?”

“As much as I hate to agree with this asshat,” Tobi says dryly, rolls his eyes back in annoyance as he pushes the superhero off of him. The masked man climbs to his feet, rolls his head both sides. Iruka can hear bones cracking. “You should really get out here. Even if you want the damn coffee.”

“Uh, no,” he says instead of obeying the villain and walking out. “You owe me my cup of coffee since you destroyed the shop. I’ve been waiting for a long time!”

He can exaggerate a few minutes.

Maybe.

“I owe you no shit,” Tobi dryly informs him, before he cracks his knuckles and narrows red eyes at Chidori. Iruka fumes, because that is his coffee, and he just wasted five bucks. “Get out of my way, asshole. I got no time for any of your bullshit today.”

“You owe me coffee!”

“I fucking owe you nothing, you fucking-”

“Mah, I think we should pay back this civilian since we ruined his coffee,” Chidori says with a slightly annoying and cheerful tone, dark grey eyes smiling at him. He can’t tell since the man’s face mask is covering his mouth. “How much was the coffee again, good sir?”

“You’ve gotten be fucking kidding me,” Tobi says frustratingly, staring at Iruka before he takes out a wallet from his pocket, like he never wanted to agree to this. “Okay, fine. How much do I owe you before I can punch this guy to his grave?”

“F-Five bucks,” Iruka says in shock. Tobi wordlessly hands five bucks to him before Chidori hands over five dollars too, rolls his eyes in amusement. Iruka can’t believe they actually paid him five dollars each to make up for his coffee. “Oh my _ Sennin_.”

“Just get the hell out of here. I have an asshole to beat up.”

“Hey, I’m right here,” Chidori says with a cheerful eye-smile before he takes Iruka’s hand and kisses it. Iruka gapes at him with an open mouth. “Mah, I’ll be seeing you, pretty guy.”

He only jerks his hand back and bolts.

* * *

“It can’t be that bad,” Kakashi says in amusement, nudging his hand as they wait in line for coffee. Iruka doesn’t understand how the man could be so calm about a superhero _ kissing his hand_. “I mean, they paid you five bucks each, right? You made a superhero _ and _villain pay you five bucks each.”

“That’s not the point!” Iruka fumes. “That guy kissed my hand!”

“I mean, you are really pretty, dear.”

“Shut up, don’t call me dear,” he groans as they reach the counter. He smiles at the cashier, taking out his wallet and takes out the five dollar bill he received from Chidori. “One coffee with sugar and milk with extra sugar for the guy right beside me, and one black coffee, please.”

“Coming right up!” the cashier says cheerfully, eyes Iruka carefully as she presses in his order. He doesn’t remember the woman, but she seems familiar to him. “Name, sir?”

He opens his mouth to say his name, before Kakashi says, “Chidori.”

The woman smirks and nods, writing the name down on two cups before passing them to one of the baristas. “Got it, _ Chidori_,” she says with a purr in her voice as Iruka pushes Kakashi towards an empty table. “Next, please!”

“What was that for, Kakashi?” he demands. Looks at the man since he’s never heard Kakashi mention the superhero until now. Suspicion plagues him as he stares at him questioningly.

“Mah, I can’t help it.”

Iruka feels like he’s heard that before.

* * *

“Iruka, can you pass those stacks of papers?” Tobirama grumbles as he signs another sheet, the principal letting out a sigh. Iruka wordlessly hands the stacks to him. “I swear to _ Sennin_... who’s in charge of the damn supplies? I’m about to fire them for all these mistakes in these bills.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s Mister Uchiha, sir,” he answers, carefully holding up another stack of paper to put in a drawer.

“Which one? We have five.”

Iruka pauses at that, thinking carefully. Shisui’s currently teaching math classes, no matter how much he claims he isn’t for the job. Kagami is working with Professor Sarutobi out of town at the moment. Hikaku’s working as secretary while Mikoto is teaching alongside the other teachers. That leaves-

“I’m pretty sure it’s Uchiha Izuna, sir.”

Tobirama swears. “Of course it’s him...“

That leaves him to do his job. He turns around to continue before-

He hears a loud crack and a boom behind him, then some swears before he turns around to see Tobirama stare out the window to see Tobi surrounded by fire. Bites his bottom lip to prevent himself from screaming in frustration, because seriously? A fight near the school? The principal swears out loud before he turns towards Iruka and jerks his head to the door.

“Evacuate every student in this school immediately! I repeat, evacuate every student in this school immediately, I want everyone out,” Tobirama hisses into a phone that he grabbed as he glares at Iruka. “Well? Hurry and get out, Iruka!”

Iruka only watches in slight awe and horror when his boss throws himself out of the window and launches a dragon made of water at Tobi. The villain dodges and snarls something out to Tobirama, who only responds with another wave of water. Chidori only unleashes thunderous sounds of lightning to combine it with Tobirama’s wave. 

He looks away and runs.

* * *

He’s waiting in line again for a cup of coffee, when he hears a loud ** _boom_ ** and people screaming, and he knows that this is another day for ruined coffee. Again. For the second time. Iruka heaves a sigh before turning to meet the sight of the superhero and villain wrestling on the ground.

“Again?” he demands. Makes them both stop and look at him. “Seriously? Why do you keep destroying the places I’m in these days? Why? I wanted coffee, you... you-”

“Not you again,” Tobi hisses, pushes himself up and kicks Chidori in the stomach. “You fucking idiot, stop getting coffee! Then maybe you wouldn’t be caught up in our fights!”

“I can’t help being in the same places as you when I just wanted coffee!” Iruka snaps, throws his hands into the air. Tobi sucks in a breath like he doesn’t want to deal with this right now. “Now you owe me another cup of coffee! I had to pay ten bucks this time!”

“Maybe I should just kill you by drowning you in your precious coffee,” Tobi growls, taking a step towards him. He flinches, moving back as the villain comes closer and closer with red eyes narrowing down on him. “Or I should just finish you off so you don’t have to worry about your fucking coffee or money ever again...!”

He feels something solid behind him, feeling his hands shake as he struggles to keep calm. Oh, screw that, he’s about to be killed by the worst villain, of course he can’t keep calm! He watches fire twisting around Tobi’s hand, watches him raise his hand and prepare to smash it down on his head. He waits to be burned, terror coursing through him.

This is it, he’s gonna get killed-

“Get away from him, Tobi!” Chidori’s voice snarls angrily, and he hears lightning roar before he sees it. The villain moves to dodge, narrows his eyes at Chidori as the superhero lands in between him and Iruka. He doesn’t know why the man’s so interested in protecting him-

Tobi’s eyes widen and he freezes, stops at the sight of the superhero.

He didn’t expect to hear a name being utter from Tobi’s mouth.

“K-Kakashi?”

**Author's Note:**

> When I was writing this prompt, I was about to do a fairytale version before I was inspired by a friend who had some of our original characters destroy a coffee shoppe and one of the characters wanted coffee. So this came out, and I think I might make it into a superhero AU series. Maybe.
> 
> Tobirama is destined to become a school principal and you can try and pry it away from my cold dead hands.
> 
> What happens after the ending is all open to your imagination!
> 
> Enjoy!


End file.
